Home Ý A Subtle Haircut

1

2 September, 2008 - 17:55 Ñ Egil Skallagrimson

I have a very subtle haircut, he says
And after closer inspection I have to admit
He is right. It IS subtle.
I hadn't noticed it before.
Men tend not to notice other men's haircuts
But this was a work of art.
I mean, it was really something different.
He turned his head slightly and it looked even better.
The fact is, this was something important,
A masterpiece of grooming.

Hair is not like paintings or books;
There's no invisible remove.
Your hair goes with you,
It represents you to the other tribesmen.
Your hair can make you lose jobs,
Get better jobs, attain research grants.
Your hair can contaminate the facility.
I was not sure, but for a moment I felt
A certain exuberance of passion
And a distinct resolve about life.

In the end, actually, it was just a joke.
He had been out in the wind
And it messed up his hair.
I got a bit carried away and then,
Feeling somewhat embarrassed,
Didn't make eye contact anymore.

#13 September, 2008 - 05:48 Ñ yaksosk (not verified)

this isn't a cynical or snarky comment

It's good to see you outputting volumously here. psyche is getting more fun to visit. I can't say I've had time or concentration to read everything or much - but the pomes are interesting. I'm sure you know of the technique of abrupt cutting - like how something sometimes becomes a bit more 'wonderous' if you remove the bit that explains it and brings it down to earth -- I'd do that with this one -- I'd cut it after the first stanza.
#23 September, 2008 - 06:14 Ñ Egil Skallagrimson

Yeah, thanks

I'll try that out and re-read it. It might work. The point of the poem is more to suggest the uncomfortability of sexual attraction and to be kind of funny, so I feel like I've achieved that. But, maybe it could be pulled off better with a re-arrangement.

Also, I hope the volume of work isn't seen as a crapflood. Diva's invitation to post my novel kind of coincided with me having a bunch of work to present that I've been working on for the past little while. I'm trying desperately to get the first draft of this novel down in the next week or so because school starts Monday and then I'll be swamped in plant biology and math for biology for the next year. I want to be editing in that time and letting new ideas fester rather than creating new work. I'm much better at creating new work in the warm months and editing in the cold months.

Anyway, that's my excuse for using up bandwidth or whatever.